Lana One year!

Day of Arafah! of course it's the most important day for Muslims, especially those who are in Hajj! may Allah accept from all of them..and make it happen for those who wish to go inshallah. But for me, today is also special in a diffident way. just like today, i gave birth to my precuis Lana..my beautiful angel=)

exactly like this moments i was feeling the contractions stronger and stronger! getting ready off to the hospital.......then everything happening very fast there! it was one amazing and BLESSED day i will never forget. i'll also never forgot that feeling when she was moving inside of me..it felt like a butterfly moving its wings traying to get out! subhanallah

soo baby Lana what can i say! you are one strong baby mashallah. you don't take no for an answer..you keep trying and trying until u take what you want. If I did not answer your crying fast enough, you will actually YELL at me!

one day we were drinking green tea and you kept trying to touch it. and khalo Mohamed kept moving the teapot right and left...and you kept walking back and fourth...u wanted to touch it! then khalo Mohamad was like maybe if she touches it, she'll leave us drink peacefully. you came with confidant and you touched the hot teapot...and we were all looking at you waiting for your reaction: you touched it...moved your hand back...walked away...THEN you came back and touched it again!!! Mohamad and I burst into laughter because we couldn't believe what you did! you are such cute stubborn girl lol.

Lultey, i love your smile sooo much..it makes my day soo bright...if i had a bad day, one smile from your face makes me wana hug you and forget the world around me. I love watching you and Zaid play..you guys make my heart melt. I love how you miss your brother when he sleeps on the couch! you go to him and you play with his hair..then you touch his face with your little hand..then you laugh like crazy lol..

and if i missed your daddy, i just look at you =) you have taking after him in SO many ways subhanallah! and i love it.

I love you both and i pray to Allah everyday to protect you and make you from 3ebadu alsale7een almusle7een. ya Allah make my kids always smiling and always happy..ya Allah bless us in those days and forgive our sins..ya Allah accept from all the Hujjaj and protect them..ya Allah accept our fasting and bring baraka to our life.

Ameen.

Happy Eid al Adha everyone =)

where did that feeling go?!!

I have been trying to push this feeling away for a while now but nothing is helping me here..the more i think about it, the more i get very very annoyed. I WANT THAT FEELING BACK!

I'm not sure if anyone can understand what I'm talking about....before, i felt like there was a computer inside my brain. i was thinking thinking all the time..i was focused, determined to do everything RIGHT with my self and my kids. It felt like i was wearing the NOOR glasses that showed me the light and positivity in everything i did...i was motivated all day long. I would look at any kid at the park and i could see through the way they interact what their parents did right or wrong...and maybe what kind of problems they will face when they grew up!! Like the angry child that no body in his family knew what to do with him!!? and after seeing the family's interaction closely, i knew exactly why the kid is acting this way he is a child in the middle...who needed a simple thing..his mom n dad's attention and love..but they are so busy to give it to him!! i really believe being in school and taking all those psychology and child development classes did help me tremendously..having the information always fresh in my mined then applying it with my kid at home was perfection subhanallah! i loved the busy school life...essays to write, the deadlines, the research papers ahh :)

it felt soo good to have this kind of umm, knowledge..or as i like to call it my 6Th sense! i called it this because it felt soo natural in me. i really don't know how to describe it..one day this commercial came and it was about this lady who is trying to eat healthy, and every time she looked at any food...her eyes will shoot at the food showing the number of calories in that food! when i saw that commercial i was like OMG this is exactly how my brain feels...i was a happier confident mom who knew exactly what to do in all situations..

...and some days i felt like pleeease let it STOP. i need to stop THINKING IT HURTS and..my brain literally felt like a machine! until one day i actually wake up in the middle of the night and prayed to God asking to make this feeling go away..i couldn't take it anymore!

and around my last semester in school and beginning of my pregnancy... it slowly did go away!! Now I'm not sure..did it go away because i made the duaa or because i finished school and don't have a motivation anymore? if it's because the duaa then i believe that Allah chose the best for me! and if it's because i finished school, then I'm going to find a new goal and focus on it! so last months i started teaching at Saturday school and it was a nice experience teaching for the first time!! but i only had three students so they decided to close my class :( and now I'm free again! i go now as a volunteer..this way i can learn from the teachers and be ready if more students came!

Anyway..i really need a break now and I'm SO excited about my trip to Saudi in Dec :d what a perfect timing subhanallah! I've been trying to go since Ramadan but Allah has a better plan for me. The other day, i was skyping with my sisters (thank God for Skype) and i saw my mom giving a cup of tea to my sister..and i actually felt....um, jealous! yes i felt jealous and i tried to smile..i miss u mama Allah ykhalelna yaky. I miss MY family sooo much. It's been 3 years since i saw my mom and sisters and i can't wait inshallah...and i pray that I'll come back refreshed and more focused woman for my husband's and kid's sake =) right now im enjoying shopping for the family!

I also have been thinking about 2 projects for a while now and i just kept delaying them for few reasons..if i need to keep myself busy then i should start planning..inshallah I'll make it work when i come backباذن الله

subhanallah, writing about it already made me feel better :)

keep me and my family in ur duaa plz..

wasalaaam :)

This post, Because of Lana

OK so it's 2am now!! Lana has been up since 1:30 am i did breastfeed her..didn't work...i gave her the bottle...didn't work...i gave her the gel thenge for her big tooth..didn't work....i took her out thinking maybe she will sleep next to us! and wa la! the girl is soooooooo hyper she wants TO PLAY lol right now she is running around in our room, she opened most of the drawers and took her daddy's cloths out..now she is playing with her wipes!!Zaid just joined in but he is laying down in my bed. what a fun night! OMG she is laughing n giggling habebty mashallah...:d

ahhh yesterday i did some shopping early then we had a nice family gathering at a park:) on Wednesday Zaido turned 5 mashallah=) he came from school wearing a nice crown..it was one of the best days alhamdulilah...Ammar had no plans that day..so we went shopping, then picked zaido together from school, ate out, then took zaido to Chuck e cheese! zaid had a blast playing game with his daddy while i was taking care of Lana. the place was nice and few people were there. then we went home n relaxed..

the other day Zaido n i baked a nice cake and it was soo fun..I've been planning on doing that for a while..there is an episode on Caillo, the cartoon show that zaido loves where the mom n kids sit in the kitchen n make pizza..so i thought it would be fun to do something like that. there is another episode were caillo goes to the dinosaurs museum..and zaido is so into dinosaurs anyway..so i told Ammar that we should go on a weekend inshallah! who said u can't learn n take ideas from cartoons lol ;)

On Friday, i decided not to do the Halloween parade at school.. i was soo confused about it..in the end i decided to ask Zaid if he wants to go to Halloween. he said: NO, it's scary! so i was like whew..im glad it came from u not me. It's very confusing because for the whole months at school..it's like they are preparing the kids for this day.. everything he colored was pumpkin..everything he cut was about customs! and then they send a paper to the parents asking if u don't like ur son to participate in the parade for religious reasons or els let us know! i do appreciate the letter but it's like!!u guys have been training my son the whole month! at the same time..i can't fined one negative effect about participating in it. i know it's controversial topic but this is how i feel now. If he changed his mind, i will let him do it..wallahu a3lam!

(just put Lana in her crib n she is falling asleep..it's 3am)

oh n Happy Birthday to ME ;)