where did that feeling go?!!

I have been trying to push this feeling away for a while now but nothing is helping me here..the more i think about it, the more i get very very annoyed. I WANT THAT FEELING BACK!

I'm not sure if anyone can understand what I'm talking about....before, i felt like there was a computer inside my brain. i was thinking thinking all the time..i was focused, determined to do everything RIGHT with my self and my kids. It felt like i was wearing the NOOR glasses that showed me the light and positivity in everything i did...i was motivated all day long. I would look at any kid at the park and i could see through the way they interact what their parents did right or wrong...and maybe what kind of problems they will face when they grew up!! Like the angry child that no body in his family knew what to do with him!!? and after seeing the family's interaction closely, i knew exactly why the kid is acting this way he is a child in the middle...who needed a simple thing..his mom n dad's attention and love..but they are so busy to give it to him!! i really believe being in school and taking all those psychology and child development classes did help me tremendously..having the information always fresh in my mined then applying it with my kid at home was perfection subhanallah! i loved the busy school life...essays to write, the deadlines, the research papers ahh :)

it felt soo good to have this kind of umm, knowledge..or as i like to call it my 6Th sense! i called it this because it felt soo natural in me. i really don't know how to describe it..one day this commercial came and it was about this lady who is trying to eat healthy, and every time she looked at any food...her eyes will shoot at the food showing the number of calories in that food! when i saw that commercial i was like OMG this is exactly how my brain feels...i was a happier confident mom who knew exactly what to do in all situations..

...and some days i felt like pleeease let it STOP. i need to stop THINKING IT HURTS and..my brain literally felt like a machine! until one day i actually wake up in the middle of the night and prayed to God asking to make this feeling go away..i couldn't take it anymore!

and around my last semester in school and beginning of my pregnancy... it slowly did go away!! Now I'm not sure..did it go away because i made the duaa or because i finished school and don't have a motivation anymore? if it's because the duaa then i believe that Allah chose the best for me! and if it's because i finished school, then I'm going to find a new goal and focus on it! so last months i started teaching at Saturday school and it was a nice experience teaching for the first time!! but i only had three students so they decided to close my class :( and now I'm free again! i go now as a volunteer..this way i can learn from the teachers and be ready if more students came!

Anyway..i really need a break now and I'm SO excited about my trip to Saudi in Dec :d what a perfect timing subhanallah! I've been trying to go since Ramadan but Allah has a better plan for me. The other day, i was skyping with my sisters (thank God for Skype) and i saw my mom giving a cup of tea to my sister..and i actually felt....um, jealous! yes i felt jealous and i tried to smile..i miss u mama Allah ykhalelna yaky. I miss MY family sooo much. It's been 3 years since i saw my mom and sisters and i can't wait inshallah...and i pray that I'll come back refreshed and more focused woman for my husband's and kid's sake =) right now im enjoying shopping for the family!

I also have been thinking about 2 projects for a while now and i just kept delaying them for few reasons..if i need to keep myself busy then i should start planning..inshallah I'll make it work when i come backباذن الله

subhanallah, writing about it already made me feel better :)

keep me and my family in ur duaa plz..

wasalaaam :)